【爸妈有话说EP3】单亲妈妈一手带大3个小孩?听听Maia的经验分享

Maia是新加坡歌手,3个孩子的妈妈。曾是单身妈妈的她,经历了许多困难,也饱受外界的眼光。但她不放弃,一手带大了三个小孩。让我们听听她的经验分享。

 

 

>> 你家里的情况跟别人的不太一样,小孩会不会受影响?Your family may be a little bit different from others, are your children affected by such difference?

我从我孩子年纪小的时候,我就跟他们解释,他们的父亲,跟他们兄弟姐妹的关系到底是怎样。所以他们根本没有任何的自卑感,或者是当他们的朋友或是陌生人,以异样眼光来看待我的孩子,我的孩子也不会因为这样子而被影响到。尤其是我的儿子,有时候他的朋友会讲,我在网路上查看你母亲是怎样的,一大堆新闻啦!我儿子就会说,那又怎样?那只是媒体,那是要炒新闻。我自己知道我的家庭是怎样的,所以我不觉得我会被你么怎样看我而影响。同样的还有我的女儿,她更有自信心,有时候她的朋友会说,欸 你到底有几个父亲啊?为什么你这么多父亲?因为我每次告诉我的孩子,你们有三个父亲,第一个是我们的主,第二个是我现在的丈夫,第三个就是他们的父亲。所以他们算是很有福气,很幸福的孩子。因为他们不只有一个父亲,他们有三个。所以这就是我所相信的,也是我孩子相信的,这是我选择去教导他们的。所以没什么问题啦,大家都很开心。

Since my children were little, I explained to them the relationship between them and their fathers, and between each of them. So they don’t feel inferior at all. When their friends or the public look at them in a different way, my children will not be affected by them. Especially my son, sometimes his friends would tell him that they searched about me on the Internet and found a lot of news. My son would replied them “So what? That’s just how the media works. They’re just creating stories. I know how my family is like, so I don’t think I will be affected by how you look at me.” The same goes to my daughter, she is even more confident. Sometimes her friend will ask her, “How many fathers do you have? Why do you have so many fathers?”. Because I always tell my children that they have three fathers, the first one is God, the second is my current husband, and the third is their father. So they are very blessed and happy children. Because they don’t have only one father, they have three! This is what I believe in and what my children believe in. This is what I chose to teach them. So no worries, everyone is happy!

>> 身为单亲妈妈,有没有遇到什么困难?如何面对?Did you face any obstacles as a single mother? How did you cope?

当一个单亲妈妈的确不容易,因为你得当妈妈,也得当爸爸。尤其是当时我生下我第一个儿子的时候,我才19岁,也算是teenaged mother,所以经济方面我也不足。别人会用不同的眼光看我,因为我的样子,感谢老天,我看起来还很年轻,看起来蛮年轻的对吗?所以当时,回想起17年前的我,我的样子更年轻对吗?所以人家会看我,你为什么年轻就生孩子?可是以这些经验,我也变得更坚强,也更不用管别人是怎样看待我的。我有当一个好妈妈那就好了。

所以,那段日子是怎样熬过的呢?那时候我刚加入新加坡武装部队的文工团,我的父母有帮我,像保姆这样,看我的大儿子,有时候会在金钱方面帮助我。到了我第二个,女儿的时候,我还是同样的是个单亲妈妈。那时候我有一点储蓄了。那时候有一点忧郁症,那时候我就会觉得,怎么办?又第二次当了单亲妈妈。可是就在我第二个孩子出生的时候,同时我也接受了主,那就是我的信仰,我是基督教徒。就是这样,我有了一个信仰,我能够坚强的活下去。从中,我就了解更多关于生命上的东西,为什么一些东西会发生,如果发生了该怎么办?我应该自卑吗?我应该怎样?不管怎么样,我都得活下去,是因为我的孩子,因为孩子是无辜的嘛。

Being a single mother is certainly not easy, because you have to be both a mother and a father. It was especially tough when I gave birth to my first son. I was only 19 years’ old and considered a teenage mother with no financial capability. Others looked at me in a different way because of my appearance. Thank God, I still look pretty young right? So at that time, 17 years ago, I look even younger. That’s why people always judged me, questioning why I give birth at such a young age? I have become stronger with all these experiences. I don’t care what others think of me, as long as I’m doing my job as a good mother.

So, how did I get through that period? At that time, I just joined the Singapore Armed Forces Music & Drama Company. My parents helped me as a babysitter, taking care of my eldest son. They also helped me financially. When I gave birth to my second child, my daughter Kaka, I was still a single mother. I had a little savings at that time. However, I was going through a minor depression because I was troubled over the fact that I became a single mother again. But just when my second child was born, I also accepted the Lord, that is my faith, I am a Christian. Because of my belief, I was able to live strong. From there, I understand more about life, why things happen, what should I do when it happens? Should I feel inferior? What should I do? No matter what, I have to live on because my child. Kids are innocent.

>>你觉得小孩子最重要的品德是什么?What are the most important values that you want your children to have?

我希望我的孩子们长大了能够待人诚恳,做人要老实,脚踏实地,出人头地,最最最重要的是他们要有勇气去面对任何事情。做错事有那个勇气去道歉,不管是好事还是坏事,都要有勇气,勇敢地去面对,这样子才能过得开心。最后我当然也是希望,我每次都是用英文来讲,I hope you can be a blessing to others. Be blessed enough to bless others. 你本身收到够多的祝福,来去祝福人家。那是最幸福的一件事。

I hope that my children will grow up to be sincere, honest, down-to-earth, and to be a leader. And most importantly, they must have the courage to face anything. If they make a mistake, be brave to apologise. No matter it is a good thing or a bad thing, you must have the courage to face it bravely, so as to lead a happy life. Lastly, I always tell them this “I hope you can be a blessing to others. Be blessed enough to bless others.” When you have received enough blessings to bless others, it’s the happiest thing in life.